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Posted in Humour, Run, Training
March 10, 2015

Dealing with Flatulence while Running

Everyone of us who runs has this common problem. The need to fart while running. What does one do and how to deal with it? You tighten your pelvic muscle, you squeeze your butt cheeks together and all while trying to run elegantly. How long do you think you can hold it in?

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So the answer is clear. Just do it. Let it go. Let it go. But how to do it without embarrassing yourself or gassing your buddies to a PB? Let Uncle here who has more farts than fartleks tell you how:70fe7468e19d762593551771cc448215088732e8a8e620a4933717f2994faada

– When you feel a fart coming – run faster or slower to get away from the people around you if you don’t want them to hear or smell you.IMHO, it is better to run slower. Running faster and letting go some distance ahead may not be a good idea if your run buddy decides to chiong along with you. What then? Or if by the time you let go, and he/she reach that point and smell this rotten egg smell with nobody around, then they will know it got to be you… So run slower. The advantage of running slower is your buddy will be in front and cannot smell or hear it.

– But of course if your run buddy is the type that insist on running side by side with you and you cannot run slower or faster without he/she running in pace with you then how? Especially if he/she is the only reason why you are out running this early in the morning and the thought of letting out a loud and foul fart in his/her presence is going to ruin the rest of your life! The trick is then to let it out slowly. Ease up a bit on the pace, with every stride of the legs, open up your butt a bit and let it go very slowly. Hopefully, that will work.

– However, if you feel that the fart coming is the type that can wake the dead and is more vile smelling than rotten eggs and blue cheese and there is no way you can control the volume, try try to hold until you come across something that is making a loud noise. Like maybe a noisy motorbike, a pack of barking dogs, some idiots blasting loud music and let that drown out the sound. As for the smell, just hold your breathe and pretend nothing happened. But if you noticed that your buddy smelled it, then go on the offensive and loudly proclaim “yeeeh so smelly, must be a dead animal nearby” and quickly run away

– Last but not least, learn to differentiate between a normal fart and a wet fart cos if it is a wet fart, …………….Rottenecards_35433864_b79s773pqd

I don’t think I really need to spell it out right?

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